“You sure have your hands full”

One of my least favorite things of being a mom with so many young kids is the comments I get from complete strangers. Somehow people that I don’t know feel the need to tell me what they observe as if I don’t know that I have 3.8 small children. Maybe they think that I am not so smart or something since I do have so many young kids. I say that because I often get comments like: “You do know how this happens right?” Like I didn’t know birth control existed or something. I’m not kidding, I get at least 1 comment or more from someone when I am out with at least 2 of girls.

I realize that we all have different ideas and desires for our families-some like to space out their kids farther, some only want 1 or 2 kids, and then there are the crazies like Larry and I who want 4 kids, closer together in age. This is something we’ve always desired, and we know it’s a lot of work and a big commitment, especially in this stage of life when they are all little. Normal things, like going to the grocery store or getting to church by 8am require a tremendous of work with 3+ kids, believe me, we know. That’s why I am so amazed when people feel like they need to tell me these things when I am out.

Here are some of my favorites (these are all done with a smile, of course)

The Classic: “Wow, you sure have your hands full!” This is the most common, I think.

The true Southerner: ” Oh, Bless your heart.” This is really a “nice” way in the south of saying something like, “you are crazy” or “you’re an idiot.” I used to think it was a really nice statement, I now know better after a year and a half, although there are some instances where people really do mean it.

The “I don’t want your life”: “Four girls? Wow, that’s gonna be expensive!” Like I had any control over having 4 girls, right?

The kind-of compliment: “I don’t know how you do it, you sure are a better woman than I am.” I get this one a lot too. I’m not really ever sure how to take it.

All these comments really used to get to me. But then I realized that I have an opportunity to tell people how blessed I am when they say these things. I started saying simple things in response, like, “I sure do have my hands full, but I love every minute of it.” Or “yep, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” I do mean these things, but it’s also a good reminder for me that God did bless me with 4 girls, and he’s entrusted me with 4 of his daughters. When people tell me they don’t know how I do it, I tell them “it’s by the grace of God,” and I mean it, because it’s the truth, that’s how we get through each crazy day of our life, and without his grace, I would’ve given up a long time ago. I make lots of mistakes every day and am more glad than anybody that each day I get to start over and try again.

The funniest thing about me saying something like that in response is that it totally baffles the other person. I’ve literally had people stutter and stammer looking for a response back. I think it’s because in their mind, they see my life as such a negative thing-something that they don’t desire. And I don’t expect them too. I don’t look down on families with 1 child, even though I didn’t desire to only have 1 child. People have told me they don’t have the grace for 4 children. I tell them that they shouldn’t, because they don’t have 4 kids. God gives us more grace as we need it, according to the portion of what he’s put on our plates.

Sorry for the long post, you can tell it’s something I’ve thought a lot about. You can check out a whole website dedicated to these types of comments, called gabbybaby.com. My friend Holly passed it along to me because she knows how many people say crazy things to me all the time. It’s pretty funny.